Taser

I participate in an online community where people advise one another on various subjects related to personal growth and the Law of Attraction. The conversations go on and on — and I enjoy it very much.

A young aspiring actor began a thread about an acting job he wanted; he called it “Taser,” which is not its real name. He was expressing frustration about not being able to get a particular role in this project. He was attempting to use the Law of Attraction (LOA) to attract this role, and he didn’t succeed. A lot of the discussion (though not all) centered around how he could get himself to the point where he could get what he desired, and analyzed why he didn’t get this role. There’s a lot more to a discussion about the Law of Attraction than I can describe here, but I’m hoping you’ll understand the point I’m making in this post without understanding the details of the LOA.

Basically, he felt he’d been “doing all the rules” and still didn’t get the role.

It’s pretty frustrating when that happens. It’s frustrating in general — whether you know anything about the LOA or not!

Here are his final words in his introductory post: “The number one role I want… and after several months of going in… and all of this [not getting the role]. It’s over.”

This was my reply to him (which I’ve edited for clarity):

“Can you look at your situation and ask yourself what kinds of blessings you are getting from it? Can you see the lessons in it for you — how, as you learn from it, you will become a stronger person — and that getting the role isn’t as important as becoming a really whole person? I see you as so focused on getting this part and that, and in a way, you (as many of us do) are using the LOA as a tool for you to get what you want, instead of seeing it as a way to practice the depth of joy and satisfaction in life that is what you really, really want, and is what you really, really are.

“That’s why we all go after the things we go after. It’s not that these things are the be-all and end-all in themselves. The lesson is that it’s our happiness and joy in living our present moment, in the midst of all of life, that is far more fulfilling and rewarding than having a part, or getting the relationship, or the car, or the house, or the job….

“And when you pursue that, you will bless every experience that comes your way. It’s fine to be frustrated — oh, I can understand that — how exciting it is to be pursuing what you are pursuing, and how frustrating it is when a particular thing doesn’t go the way you wanted! — but then, know that wrapped up in it is the key to your TRUE role in life — that is, to discover and BE the wonderful person that you are, whether you are in a TV show or not. No doubt out of that energy the best roles that you could ever play will come your way quite naturally.”

*****

Ah, how easy it is to think that what we want is the “thing,” or the “situation,” so that we can finally be happy.

But all we really want is the happiness – joy, reward, depth of satisfation, inner peace — in the first place.

Imagine what it would be like to be happy no matter what you had, no matter what happened? Isn’t that what you want? To enjoy life? To feel fulfilled? To feel good — to know that even when things don’t go your way you’re still really, really OK?

This isn’t about not feeling frustration, being mad about something, being scared, sad, etc., and trying to just be positive no matter what. I’m no shining example of that!

It is, though, about having a perspective on life where you realize that, ultimately, your happiness isn’t dependent upon anyone or anything but yourself, and that it is inside you.

You do everything you do because that’s what you want, thinking that the external thing will finally get you there.

So what happens when it doesn’t happen? You live at the mercy of your external circumstances, letting them take control of you — whipping you around like the Tilt-a-Whirl. Notice how, on the Tilt-a-Whirl (or any other crazy carnival ride), you tense up your body in order to avoid getting thrown around? Now, while that kind of thing may be fun for a few minutes, it’s not fun to be tensed up like that on a daily, hourly basis, for years upon years!

That’s why many of us live like we’re on a roller coaster. When things go well, we’re happy. When they don’t, we’re pretty hard to live with. Some of us are hard to live with a lot of the time. Interestingly enough, that’s pretty much because we have a hard time living with ourselves. We are basing our feelings on everything around us. But all we’re doing is being unkind to ourselves, by allowing someone or something else to be in control of our feelings. The funny part is we’re still the one with the feelings, and we get to choose.

It doesn’t always feel that way. For me, the choice comes in how I choose to see the situation — can I see it as a gift, or do I see it as a curse? I get to pick, and then I get to live in that choice. It feels better to see it as a gift, experience all the feelings of it, indeed — anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, jealousy — and then move on.

Then life is better. The very thing I was looking for in something else, I now find in me.

I’m in charge.

And things tend to go better. It takes practice. But even just saying, “H-m-m, what can I see in this that’s good?” is really easier than fighting it.

I’m still learning, still practicing. Every opportunity is an opportunity for practice! How can I go wrong? Even the frustrating stuff enables me to practice and get better at finding my own happiness in spite of the frustration…and it just keeps going on and on!

So, “Taser” becomes a blessing, not a curse. Who’da thunk?

Toothbrushes and Other Stuff

For those of you who swing by here now and then, I want to thank you for your faithfulness and diligence. I apologize for the wear and tear you are putting on your clicking fingers every time you surf your way to this blog, only to see the same old comments. Here’s a disclaimer, though: I am not liable for any damage your surfing may have caused. Just don’t press the button so hard next time.

What a summer! Have we had a summer? We’re just barely wringing ourselves out of spring around here! This morning, at 10:19 a.m., the temperature was 59 degrees. What’s that about? Where is this global warming everyone is so terrorized about? Or are we launching into an ice age? (I’ve actually heard that.) So, be prepared for the news report about the blizzard that hit southeast Iowa in the middle of July!

Meanwhile, in order to intermittently reinforce your mouse-clicking behavior (like pulling the lever on the slot machine), I’m going to award you with the jackpot of another blog!

This one is adapted from something I wrote a few years ago — so the state of heretofore-referenced toothbrush technology has advanced even further — just so you don’t think that I am just discovering spin toothbrushes all of a sudden. This would mean that I’d have had to use the same toothbrush for the last several years — and I’m not talking about the same kind of toothbrush, but the same exact toothbrush. A dentist’s nightmare. Or maybe it would be a dentist’s dream!

Here goes:

Have you tried to buy a toothbrush lately? I hope so, be’cause dentists say you’re supposed to replace them every three months. I’ll bet you go out and get one like clockwork — doesn’t everybody? What’s that, you say? New toothbrush every three months? Wow! I wish someone had told me that six years ago! I now change my Polident every three weeks!

When I was a youngster, I used the same toothbrush for eons. I remember one of them: it was yellow with black bristles. Of course, the black bristles might not originally have been black — it could be they’d turned black after being used for so long.

My younger brother Brian says that my elder brother Gene and I taught him how to brush his teeth really fast, and his friends who see him brush his teeth (how intimate!) think it’s hilarious. I don’t think I brush my teeth with any Olympic speed, nor did anyone in dormitory bathroom situations ever comment on my tooth-brushing prowess, so I’m figuring kudos for that skill go to Gene. How do you measure toothbrushing speed anyway? By swipes? By swishes? By strokes? What do dentists say about that? “For best results, brush your teeth at five strokes a second.” Is that one-way or round trip? If round-trip, it’s gotta be two-and-a-half full strokes, no? And do you brush Yardbirds style: “Over Under Sideways Down”? I suggest we reserve this discussion for the dinner table.

Back to buying toothbrushes. What an amazing array of toothbrushes there are to choose from! It boggles the mind. No wonder so many people wrestle with mental illness. We have brushes that spin, wiggle, jiggle, jerk, whip, chop, grate, blend and liquify. We have brushes that tell time. Well, that’s almost true: I was in Safeway the other day drooling over the tooth products selection and discovered a toothpaste dispenser for kids that plays a little tune when you remove the cap. Being the type of person who loves messing around in grocery stores (get a life, Mary Jo), I opened the lid to see what it did. (Who knew one could make a poem out of opening a toothpaste cap?) Well, it started playing. And it played. And played. And it kept on playing. I got tired of holding the thing, and a little panicked because I thought the grocery man around the corner was going to come by and stare at me with the evil eye, and I prayed that the little tune, London Bridge or something, would finally stop. “I broke it!” I said to myself, thinking about all the customers who would stop to pick out their three-month toothbrush replenishment, hear a little tune and wonder where it was coming from, find the toothpaste, open the lid and close it to no avail. My mind took the story even further. I imagined the thing finally dying, an innocent mom (who didn’t try everything out like me) purchasing the product for her child, the disappointed kid opening the lid only to hear nothing, and crying, and the mother telling her kid, “Sorry, we’re NOT going back to the store, so use it anyway!” and the kid throwing a tantrum, breaking lamps and throwing toys. So I opened the lid again, hoping that maybe something in that action would make it quit. Like when you whack on a computer keyboard hoping somehow it will reach Bill Gates and he will finally tell his employees that they’re not going home until they make a software program that actually works without a hundred thousand glitches.

It didn’t stop. London Bridge had just about disintegrated completely and was floating down the Thames, right upstream of Southwark. Desperate, I finally had an insight: read the instructions. On the front of the package it said, “Plays music for 70 seconds.” Relieved, I put the toothpaste back on the shelf and walked away, thinking about how many times that tube of toothpaste would one day soon be sitting on the counter by the bathroom sink, playing London Bridge to an empty bathroom for 50 seconds as the tune played itself out after the kid finished brushing.

So which kind of toothbrush is better? You have brushes with long bristles on the outside and short ones on the inside. You have those with the little rubber pick on the end designed to help you get stuff out from between your teeth. You have some that visually let you know when it’s time to buy a new brush. You have others that are alleged to “reach” better than others. You have different bristle consistencies. You have toothbrushes of different sizes to accommodate different mouths. Dentists sometimes advise me to get a kid-sized toothbrush. Though that might be an insult, I’m grateful that I don’t have to add “a big mouth” to my list of personal liabilities. But it also means that if I select that kind of brush, my options are pretty limited, and perhaps even a little embarrassing: Care Bears, Hot Wheels, Strawberry Shortcake, Spongebob Squarepants,  Spiderman, Scooby-Doo — which means that there are advantages to having a big mouth!

How about a toothbrush that talks? “Ouch. You are hurting me.” “You have now brushed long enough.”  “Please do not insult me by using Crest.” “Please do not rinse me in the commode.”

Other ideas for inventors who work for Proctor & Gamble:

Replaceable bristles. Interchangeable handles with designs to fit one’s mood. Medicated toothbrushes containing hangover relief, caffeine, or prozac. Brushes with hose attachments so you can power-wash your teeth. How about pre-loaded toothbrushes, or toothbrushes that fill themselves when you press a button on the handle?

When will they invent a toothbrush or paste that works so well you only have to use it once a week, month, or year? Some people think that’s how you’re supposed to use them. Think how much money you could save if you had no teeth? It wouldn’t matter how much time passed: three months, six months, six years! Little Johnny: “Look Ma, no cavities!” Ma: “Look, son, no teeth!”

Time to venture away from the subject of toothbrushes, having been reminded of the ancient commercial of my idyllic childhood: “Look, Ma, no cavities!” Those were the good old days, when little boys in commercials looked like Howdy Doody with red hair and freckles and talked like Beaver Cleaver; ads told it like it is without all the clever hype that leaves you remembering the commercial but not the product; babies wore cloth diapers and plastic pants; Wonder Bread helped build strong bodies 12 ways; you could see the USA in your Chevrolet; you got a cup-and-a-half of flavor in every cup of instant Maxwell House; you had three selections of toothpastes, all in mint flavor; M&Ms melted in your mouth, not in your hands, came in only one flavor, and had two shades of brown; pop came in bottles out of which many other people had once drunk and a 16-ounce bottle was huge; pop can tops were removable; water was served in restaurants in cone-shaped disposable cups that fit into brushed-stainless-steel holders and everyone actually got water; Dixie cups came in red and blue with a white border around the top; you could buy huge blocks of ice from a vending machine; there were only about five flavors of ice cream; dishwashing liquid bottles had the “snip-top” cap; laundry soap boxes contained a free towel or a goblet (remember Dash?); and gee, about the only thing that hasn’t changed is Reynolds Wrap which, I suppose, is still oven-tempered (scrunch, unscrunch) for flexible strength.

And summers were actually hot from July until mid-September.

By the time you finish reading this, it will be time for you to get a new toothbrush.