Taser

I participate in an online community where people advise one another on various subjects related to personal growth and the Law of Attraction. The conversations go on and on — and I enjoy it very much.

A young aspiring actor began a thread about an acting job he wanted; he called it “Taser,” which is not its real name. He was expressing frustration about not being able to get a particular role in this project. He was attempting to use the Law of Attraction (LOA) to attract this role, and he didn’t succeed. A lot of the discussion (though not all) centered around how he could get himself to the point where he could get what he desired, and analyzed why he didn’t get this role. There’s a lot more to a discussion about the Law of Attraction than I can describe here, but I’m hoping you’ll understand the point I’m making in this post without understanding the details of the LOA.

Basically, he felt he’d been “doing all the rules” and still didn’t get the role.

It’s pretty frustrating when that happens. It’s frustrating in general — whether you know anything about the LOA or not!

Here are his final words in his introductory post: “The number one role I want… and after several months of going in… and all of this [not getting the role]. It’s over.”

This was my reply to him (which I’ve edited for clarity):

“Can you look at your situation and ask yourself what kinds of blessings you are getting from it? Can you see the lessons in it for you — how, as you learn from it, you will become a stronger person — and that getting the role isn’t as important as becoming a really whole person? I see you as so focused on getting this part and that, and in a way, you (as many of us do) are using the LOA as a tool for you to get what you want, instead of seeing it as a way to practice the depth of joy and satisfaction in life that is what you really, really want, and is what you really, really are.

“That’s why we all go after the things we go after. It’s not that these things are the be-all and end-all in themselves. The lesson is that it’s our happiness and joy in living our present moment, in the midst of all of life, that is far more fulfilling and rewarding than having a part, or getting the relationship, or the car, or the house, or the job….

“And when you pursue that, you will bless every experience that comes your way. It’s fine to be frustrated — oh, I can understand that — how exciting it is to be pursuing what you are pursuing, and how frustrating it is when a particular thing doesn’t go the way you wanted! — but then, know that wrapped up in it is the key to your TRUE role in life — that is, to discover and BE the wonderful person that you are, whether you are in a TV show or not. No doubt out of that energy the best roles that you could ever play will come your way quite naturally.”

*****

Ah, how easy it is to think that what we want is the “thing,” or the “situation,” so that we can finally be happy.

But all we really want is the happiness – joy, reward, depth of satisfation, inner peace — in the first place.

Imagine what it would be like to be happy no matter what you had, no matter what happened? Isn’t that what you want? To enjoy life? To feel fulfilled? To feel good — to know that even when things don’t go your way you’re still really, really OK?

This isn’t about not feeling frustration, being mad about something, being scared, sad, etc., and trying to just be positive no matter what. I’m no shining example of that!

It is, though, about having a perspective on life where you realize that, ultimately, your happiness isn’t dependent upon anyone or anything but yourself, and that it is inside you.

You do everything you do because that’s what you want, thinking that the external thing will finally get you there.

So what happens when it doesn’t happen? You live at the mercy of your external circumstances, letting them take control of you — whipping you around like the Tilt-a-Whirl. Notice how, on the Tilt-a-Whirl (or any other crazy carnival ride), you tense up your body in order to avoid getting thrown around? Now, while that kind of thing may be fun for a few minutes, it’s not fun to be tensed up like that on a daily, hourly basis, for years upon years!

That’s why many of us live like we’re on a roller coaster. When things go well, we’re happy. When they don’t, we’re pretty hard to live with. Some of us are hard to live with a lot of the time. Interestingly enough, that’s pretty much because we have a hard time living with ourselves. We are basing our feelings on everything around us. But all we’re doing is being unkind to ourselves, by allowing someone or something else to be in control of our feelings. The funny part is we’re still the one with the feelings, and we get to choose.

It doesn’t always feel that way. For me, the choice comes in how I choose to see the situation — can I see it as a gift, or do I see it as a curse? I get to pick, and then I get to live in that choice. It feels better to see it as a gift, experience all the feelings of it, indeed — anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, jealousy — and then move on.

Then life is better. The very thing I was looking for in something else, I now find in me.

I’m in charge.

And things tend to go better. It takes practice. But even just saying, “H-m-m, what can I see in this that’s good?” is really easier than fighting it.

I’m still learning, still practicing. Every opportunity is an opportunity for practice! How can I go wrong? Even the frustrating stuff enables me to practice and get better at finding my own happiness in spite of the frustration…and it just keeps going on and on!

So, “Taser” becomes a blessing, not a curse. Who’da thunk?